Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sad, Empty Inbox

This is ridiculous how much I have to make myself write a post. You always read all those books by writers saying that you need to write everyday in order to discipline yourself. Well, this discipline is really cutting into my time scrolling through Tumblr and watching the Kardashians (zero shame; their vacation in Greece was like an Showtime miniseries).

I keep my email open in a tab so I can tell when I get a new message, hoping and praying that when my inbox receives new mail, it'll be some job telling me they need me and can't live without me. I'm not even hoping for one of the those jobs I applied to three months ago when I was setting my expectations WAY too high. I'm just hoping the Starbucks in Meijer or Hallmark or that part-time bank telling gig throws me a bone. But my mail is usually just a promotional email with Biggby coupons or one of the many MoveOn/DemocracyNow!/CREDO Action newsletters telling me that we need to stop capitalism and fracking by signing some petition. I remember when I subscribed to all those lists and feeling so proud of myself for being so "politically engaged." Now I'm just like, "you are not an email from a potential employer, friend, or even a Barnes and Noble coupon. Delete." It's amazing how quick that activism a liberal arts education inspires in you vanishes once your top priorities become moving out of your grandparents house and trying to get out of bed each morning.

I've become too reliant on the outside world to come to me. I always used to be one of those people who could just leave her (dumb) phone and enjoy a couple hours without beeps and vibrations (different kind of vibrations are a whole different story). But now I'm constantly checking my phone hoping someone has tried to make contact. I actually will text a ton of people just so I can get at least one response and remind myself that I DO HAVE FRIENDS. I DO! Really. It's just hard when they're not around and thus you have no one to get a drink with. Essentially this is me when I do get a text or email:

Such struggles.

In the time I wrote this post I received:
One email from one of my close friends/former roommates (Score!)
One text from same said friend. (I'm counting that as a separate point.)

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